How Much Hurt Can One's Heart Take??

How much hurt can a heart take? 

 I come to you today with this exact question...a question that weighs very heavy on my heart today.  I am going to try to keep this post as positive as I can, but want you to know what is going on in our lives today!  As you all know we have had a really rough 18 months and were VERY hopeful for a HAPPY and HEALTHY 2014...  

Unfortunately, God had different plans and we have found ourselves falling to our knees in much needed prayer this week!

On Sunday February 9th, just a little over a week ago, Grandpa Bradley was admitted to the hospital for what we were hoping was going to be a quick stay for some hydration and a blood transfusion.  We had known that these were some of the possible side effects of the chemo and radiation.  

Unfortunately, with a shock to the system, these hopes and dreams were quickly squashed as we were informed on Monday that the lymphoma in Grandpa's knee was progressing quicker than any doctors would be able to treat for a man of his age.  Basically the lymphoma was causing his body to reject much of the progress that the chemo and radiation were doing.  His body had become very weak, tired and VERY sick. 

At that point Doctors were saying that we had a few months of time to treasure with our precious Grandfather, Dad (Denise's father) and Husband (Grandma and Grandpa have been married for 60 years!).  Obviously this was a hard pill to swallow!  We had found ourselves in this exact same situation just a year ago with Uncle Denny.   We were devastated, hurt and even a little angry!  It felt like our hearts had broken into a million pieces.  Why God, Why! 

 We had known all along that while this was a "treatable" cancer this could be the end result....but you don't want to think of this until you have to!  As the week progressed we all were able to see that this statement of a few months was probably not realistic...we were looking at more like a month; however, we are not God and cannot begin to predict how much time we have here on earth.  GOD HAS A PLAN!  Much of this weekend was spent making decisions as to where Grandpa would go after the hospital.  Our options were going home with home care or hospice care or a hospice facility.  These again were very difficult decisions as all parties involved had different opinions of what was best...but Grandpa wanted to go home so that is where he is going.  Today he is will be transported back home for what could be the last few days, weeks or months of his life.  He will have hospice care.

  We will see how this goes and re-evaluate as needed.

At this time I am asking, no who am I kidding... BEGGING, my prayer warriors to cover our home and family in a blanket of prayer.  No, this is nothing something that can be changed but we have many difficult weeks, months and even years ahead as we prepare to loose our Grandpa.  Grandpa Bradley has always been a father figure to Jason so this is extremely hard for him.  (Not to mention that this will be the 3rd major death in a year for us)  I am trying to be the best support system that I can be to him, but I too will need prayers for strength and courage as we embark on this upcoming journey.   I am continually comforted by the scripture in Matthew 5:4 that states "God blesses those people who grieve!  He will comfort them all!"    I ask and pray that God provides comfort to our hearts and minds as we prepare to grieve.
Praise God Almighty for his loving arms!   I will continue to update you all as things change with Grandpa Bradley for now... 

Let your prayers arise...we love you all!

I believe...

As I have shared with all of you, over one year ago on September 18th 2012  Jason and I experienced a miscarriage of our first child.  I was 11 weeks along and as expected this rocked our world.  All of our hopes and dreams seemed to come crashing down in a matter of two hours in the Emergency Room.  It took many, many months for us to be able to come to terms with the reality of the situation and face the rest of the world....and we still have no child so that has created a whole new journey:)  I am finally now able to sit here and share our story with you, not because we want sympathy or even prayers but becuase we KNOW there are others out there that have been in this situation or are going through this situation and feel the pain and hurt that we felt.  We didn't have the support network that we now have becuase we were unwilling to share our story.  I want others to know that all of those feelings that you might be feeling or have felt are ever so normal, real and TRUE but I am here for ANYONE that needs a listening ear.

I also just came home from an amazing woman's retreat at Camp Geneva, THANK YOU JULIE for inviting me, that has re-ignited my fire and flame to keep moving forward and put all of my hope, fears and faith in God and God alone!  He has a plan for our lives and unfortunately we do not have a right to plan our own path or a say in these plans....but he does!  Sure, it is easy to say these words but I am truly going to try to live by these words for the next months to come.  I do not know the path that God is going to place our family on; however, I do trust that if my faith is in him and I can believe in his miraculous powers that he WILL get us through these trials and tribulation!  

Of course, THANK YOU GOD, I then see a post from a friend of mine entitle 15 Lessons Learned from a Misscarriage :)  Funny how God puts things that are on your heart in front of you at the same time!  For those of you who are interested I highly suggest that you read the article...it is empowering and SO REAL!  I appreciate real talk as opposed to those that tip toe around such real issues!

On another note...

Tomorrow is Grandpa Bradley's last day of radiation; however, his leg continues to be in a lot of pain so please pray for this to pass.  Also, I am off to the doctor tomorrow afternoon for further wisdom and guidance as to what our next steps in expanding our family will be.   Please pray for wisdom on their behalf and understanding on my behalf.  We do not know what path they will send us on but we are ready to embark a new journey:)

Have a BLESSED week my friends!

I USED to think....NOW I think...

Last year created a lot of changes in our lives, but most importantly it changed our thinking on many things that you don't even think about until you HAVE to think about it!  It took a long time to knowledge this but we have come to the conclusion that positive thinking is the only thing that is going to move us forward.  Negative thoughts just boggle your mind and confuse important decisions that you need to make!

 So here you have it....

I used to think...

• Dirty dishes in the sink HAD to be clean before I went to bed.

• I would be done having children by the time I was 30.

• Having three boys would be a dream come true.

• I didn't need to loose weight, I would just get pregnant.

• Having a miscarriage was unheard of.

• Sleeping in the same bed with your husband seven days a week was CRAZY!

• If I surrender all my worries and fears to God, he will take care of us.

• Getting pregnant was as easy as 1, 2, 3...

I Now Know...

• Dirty dishes in the sink are not only normal but completely acceptable.  Life happens and if this is the biggest problem happening in our house I think we will be OK!  I even let the decorative throw pillows lay on the floor OVER NIGHT if I don't have time!  Jason LOVES to throw them all over the house just to see what I will do...ugh he is just like a child

• Thirty is NOT that old and I will have children when it is my time.  We shouldn't put timelines on things that are outside of our control...it only leads to heartache and frustration.

• Three kids....let alone three boys...what was I thinking!  Boys are dirty, smelly, play contact sports that would probably give me an ulcer and take many more risks!  (Ok who am I kidding...I'd take a boy if that was what God provided us with) However, I would be SOOO thankful and blessed if God provided us with one child...but my heart would REALLY like at least one girl in my life:)

• If only loosing weight and changing your diet was as easy as getting pregnant.  I have recently started a Beach Body Challenge group and I cannot tell you how happy I am that I made this decision. It is hard to step out of the box and do something that you know is going to be hard...but in just three weeks I have lost 10 pounds and several inches!  This has been a HUGE lifestyle change but I can already tell that I am happier, healthier and sleep SO much better.  My new motto is...If I'm not going to be pregnant than I'm going to at least have a rocking body!

• Most people don't think a lot about miscarriages or even talk about them until they have had once.  Since this devastating occurrence in our life I have learned that I am not alone in this journey, a matter of fact...Up to 25% of all normal pregnancy's end in a miscarriage and many reasons are unknown as to why this occurs.  Since then I have learned that it is no ones fault and there is nothing you can do...your body is such a mystery...we cannot begin to understand the reasoning for things such as these.  I do however believe in the medical community and fully rest assured that through their assistance and God's blessing normal pregnancies can happen in most people.  If you have been one of those people that have shared their pregnancy difficulties with me....THANK YOU.  Your words of encouragement and honesty have been more than appreciated. 

• As of January 2014 Jason has been on a new shift at work.  He now works 12-8 with a change in the near future to 7-5.  I was used to sleeping in my king size bed ALONE...I was not ready for this change...I am a bed hog...especially the blankets!!  However, now that this change has happen I can't imagine it any different and even am a little sad that he is gone for two weeks at D.A.R.E. school and I don't have him home to snuggle up to!

• Getting pregnant has been a journey for Jason and I...it defiantly has not been as easy as 1, 2, 3.  We have had our up's and down's and each month hold onto the possibility of a positive pregnancy test or further testing/medications or more medical appointments.  Some months are hard and others are easy.  When others announce their pregnancy some are difficult some are joyful.   We would NEVER want someone to feel that they are not able to share this joyful and exciting news with us simply becuase we are struggling to get pregnant....we WANT to be apart of your journey just as we know you will be when it is our turn!    While there are months that we feel like pregnancy consumes our lives...we WILL NOT LET IT DESTROY US!!!   We continue to hang on to the fact that this is all in God's hands...he will provide for us if we trust in him.  We daily refer to this passage: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6)  God knows our hopes and dreams and has a plan for our family!  While it is extremely difficult to not be able to see the path he has paved for us...we continue to trust in him!  THANK YOU ALL for the continued prayers as continue to embark on this journey of life.  All things can, and will be done, in Christ who gives me strength!
  

Blessings my friends....we LOVE you all!

In with the NEW and out with the OLD!

The Bradley home is finally in with the NEW and out with the OLD!  

2014 has already started on a good note for our home!

After twelve years, and very little convincing, Jason has traded in his 2000 Jeep Cherokee...

I think he was depressed....this is the best picture we had of the OLD Jeep!

... for a 2012 Jeep Liberty Jet!  

This is big news peeps!  

If you know Jason, his Jeep was his baby and very hard for him to get rid of:)  The beautiful, distinguishing, one of a kind humming sound that came loud and clear from the engine is finally gone.  My car was in the shop this week so I even got to drive the new Jeep...I think I could get used to that car... four wheel drive would come in handy on some of those snowy morning commutes to Greenville;)

I tell ya, Jason sure has it good around here, he gets a new car and I get T25X and Shakology...

...interesting!  (Totally kidding, we both have it VERY good)

I have decided that 2014 is the year for me!  

My New Year's resolution for 2014 is either to loose 15 pounds or gain 30. 

Gain 30...WHAT!?!?!  With the one exception that the "gain 30" MUST ACCOMPANY a growing baby!

Yep. My 2014 resolution is definitely begin a family in one way or another; however, that cannot consume all of my energy so I have joined a beach body challenge group and am working on becoming  positive, HEALTHY, and active!  For those of you that know me, this was a HUGE step outside of my box as I like to be private in my life...yup, that seems to be changing this year too as I'm quickly finding out that this journey called life requires A LOT of support and encouragement!  I'm excited to begin my "weight loss" journey with the hopes of becoming much happier/healthier/content with the way that God has made me! 

With that I leave you with my new mission in life...

Have a blessed week!  

A Blog!?!

Hello All!

Many of you might be sitting there and thinking, A BLOG!?!  Why a blog Allyson?  Well, I've thought this exact same thing many times and have decided, why not?  I was challenged this past summer at a Writers Workshop Institute to write more. 

 Yea, right...write more...with all the time that I have in my life you think I'm going to write more!  As a teacher I daily ask, or demand on some days, that my students write for 20 minutes each day, but what about me?   With all of the advanced technologies we as adults never write; therefore, I am putting my teacher words into place for myself and finally making this challenge come true.  Better late than never right? 

 Also, 2013 accompanied our family with several highs and lows. I found myself sharing these highs and lows over and over again with many people, asking for the same prayers.  I feel that this blog is an excellent way to share the journey of life with you all and I'm convinced that 2014 is going to be filled with many rich blessings from God above!!

To catch you all up to speed....here is 2013 in a nutshell:)

January 2013- After several doctors appointments following a 11 week Miscarriage in September 2012, a large cyst was found on my right ovary. It was determined at this point that surgery was unenviable and scheduled for February 21st.

February- The large cyst was removed; however, the surgery did not go without complications and my right ovary was removed along with the cyst.  The initial news was devastating and upsetting as plans for family for definitely in the future.  After much consolation with doctors and many sleepless nights in prayer with God it was understood that this WOULD NOT end our journey to creating a family.  God will provide!!

March- Jason's uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 Prostate Cancer.  Treatment options were very limited as the cancer was all over his body and already at stage four.  Jason's cousin Melissa flew home and lived with us for the remainder of the month as she became her fathers care taker in the last weeks of his life. 

April- With heavy hearts God took all of Uncle Denny's pain away and allowed him to enter the gates of Heaven.  This was a huge loss for the Bradley family, yet again, something that we strangely understood with God's mercy.

May- After many conversations with my education colleagues, much prayer and consideration of the future I took a leap of faith and decided that it was time to try something new in the world of education.  I applied for a First Grade General Education Position that was inside the current building that I was teaching in.  To my surprise I was offered the position just ten short days later.  With an anxious and nervous heart I ACCEPTED the position!

August- Jason's best friend Bob Shoemaker was killed in a tragic scuba diving accident on the Grand River.  Our hearts are able to prepare for losses of those that are sick or aging; however, never in my lifetime did I ever think I would need to prepare my heart for a loss such as this.  Not only was the loss hard to swallow but I myself knew I needed to be strong for Jason.  Together, with the support and prayers of many, we were able to get through this difficult time and find peace in God's plan for this as well; however, I can't say that there were not times that we questioned God or said ENOUGH:)

October- After several visits to the hospital and one persistent doctor, Grandpa Bradley (Jason's grandpa) was diagnosed with B Cell Lymphoma in his knee.  This was explained to us as CURABLE cancer; however chemo and radiation would accompany the journey.  UHG, yup again we found ourselves saying REALLY GOD:)  

December- Christmas blessed us with much family time, reflection and time with loved ones!  Although our year has been extremely hard, and no new baby news, we have found ourselves understanding that God has a plan for everything.  When we trust in him we will be blessed.  WOW!  What a whirlwind of a year we have had and I have a feeling that 2014 is not going to slow down...only going to have many more HAPPY events:)  

Stay tuned as the journeys of 2014 is about to begin.  Blessings to you all and THANK YOU for being our support system!  We love each and every one of you:)